tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34970932011-04-21T17:05:02.241-07:00My MirrorAwareness through introspection Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comBlogger1371100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-1121440025038079282005-07-15T08:04:00.000-07:002005-07-15T08:07:05.043-07:00Nothing takes the past away, like the future!Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-1111686478605868552005-03-24T09:43:00.000-08:002005-03-24T09:47:58.606-08:00I am so small relative to my surroundings. I look in all directions and I see so many things I do not know what to make of. I ask myself what to do next. Where do I go? But I cannot answer my my question to myself. I then look behind again, looking for a reference but all I see is something new.Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-1104160242174646542004-12-27T06:56:00.000-08:002004-12-27T07:10:42.176-08:00Since I have so much time on my hands, I might as well try to define myself. Having an identity crisis in this fast paced world of ours will result in being left by the wayside. As of now, what are my values? What are the flaws in mt character? If one does not define oneself, he will be defined by the world. There will be no stability in life, it will be a constant flux as I blend in with my Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-1103911960256577542004-12-24T10:11:00.000-08:002004-12-24T10:12:40.256-08:00Oblivion....Merry Christmas!!!!
Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-1103390659027153822004-12-18T09:13:00.000-08:002004-12-18T09:24:19.026-08:00Brother? Joe
The 'black/brother/african american' experiment isnt going too well. I cant rap, cant walk the walk cant talk the talk and my clothes are a little too "main line". Its good to be anti-establishment once in awhile though " If your having girl problems I feel bad for you son, I got 99problems and bullshit is one!" Hey but theres this guy named JIN, "the first chinese brother!" but he is 99% abt Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-1103118720118814662004-12-15T05:50:00.000-08:002004-12-15T05:52:00.120-08:00The anchor of the past, even if I am to sail forard I would still have to bring the anchor with me.
Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-1102763408175207262004-12-11T03:08:00.000-08:002004-12-11T03:10:08.176-08:00Should stop thinking of what my life is and actually get down to the business of living it.
Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-1096994368343271572004-10-05T10:37:00.000-07:002004-10-05T09:39:28.343-07:00It took a friend to crystalise my 'problem'/ PROBLEM?/problem, make it so clear I cannot deny it.
I just do what i wish to and damm the consequences most of the time. Actions, words and thoughts.
Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-1096719683103936082004-10-02T05:13:00.000-07:002004-10-02T05:21:23.103-07:00With Thievery Corp's "the hong kong triad" in the background, i type without knowing what I want to write. Just feel a need to express myself in my present mood and feelings about every possible thing that is related to my life but the words just dont seem to come. I cannot comprehend the life I am living. Why? Because it makes no sense? Because it is too complex?
Lets break it all down huh.....Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-1095436844107947042004-09-17T08:59:00.000-07:002004-09-17T09:00:44.106-07:00never felt so helpless in my life before!!!Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-1092061512527497602004-08-09T07:18:00.000-07:002004-08-09T07:25:12.526-07:00I am losing control of my mind letting external influnces dictate my behavior. My mind was made to serve as a personal compass for me not as an instrument of society to control me. I am losing my mind to the world because of a lack of discipline. The discipline to filter what flows in and out. The discipline to do what is right in any circumstance no matter the consequences.
Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-1092061004263304602004-08-09T07:06:00.000-07:002004-08-09T07:16:44.263-07:00I dont even feel like I am living my life. I am guided through a maze and turning blindly at every corner.
My senses are dull, very dull. I dont feel the pulse of the people I come into contact with for they are just objects. Is this a life devoid of meaning greater than merely living. I know I need something, some stimulus.
Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-1084639939836709812004-05-15T09:46:00.000-07:002004-05-15T09:52:19.836-07:006 weeks in the army and there have been changes aplenty in every aspect of me. My mind is at peace in the camp because everything is so clear cut. You complete the task or you work till you complete it. The End Pt is always so prominent. Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-1083341226078403722004-04-30T09:07:00.000-07:002004-04-30T09:10:13.390-07:00With every step I take, I seem to be further away from the life I want to have. The situation constantly changes and focus becomes just another word in my lexicon. My own powerlessness is appals me. Compromising is easy when it can offer temporary pleasure. Security is within my grasp yet to secure my future is to consign everything I ever dreamt of having into the rubbish bin. And so my life Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-1073751068394719502004-01-10T08:11:00.000-08:002004-01-10T08:12:19.996-08:00Ever since transfering from the main branch to the one in Specialist centre, my job has sadly become more mundane. I spent hours staring at the steady stream of customers who occasionally would mercifully ask me for my assistance. I have come to the point where I actually beg my manager to give me something to do to occupy myself like wrapping CDs as I watch my sector. The Upside is that because Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-1072425397960622292003-12-25T23:56:00.000-08:002003-12-25T23:58:03.043-08:00The new year is approaching and this is the time of the year that we make resolves for the new year and the years beyond.
I resolve in this coming year to:
1. Save not spend money
2. Study the market deligently
3. Make an effort to stay in touch with the friends made over the years
4. Develop a thicker skin
5. Become a man of the world
6. Be a player in everything I do(Play to win!)
7. Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-1072424948557454282003-12-25T23:49:00.000-08:002003-12-25T23:50:09.046-08:00Two weeks into my job and it is begining to feel like a job as the childlike curiousity about the novel experiance begins to fade. The off days are really precious and I try to cram as many activities into a day as possible. Swimming, running, weight training, reading, monitoring the market.....Cant wait for the funds to come in and then finaly I can formally introduce myself to the market and Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-1071251171270307002003-12-12T09:46:00.000-08:002003-12-19T09:29:15.390-08:00I dont think much now that I am busy. My live is slowly being regulated into a routine and the work enables me to forget unpleasant stuff. I no longer live in a constant flux which is a mixed blessing. However, I just dont feel the need for any spark now. There is escape in ones labour.Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-1071250871646986042003-12-12T09:41:00.000-08:002003-12-12T09:41:58.810-08:00I have lasted two days in my current employment. I have never felt a greater sense of satisfaction from any other thing that i now feel at the end of a day's work. The nature of my job is the main factor. My job is mainly administrative as I monitor inventory levels and do stock transfers from the main branch to the subsidary branches all on computer. If I feel the strain on my eyes then all I Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-1071065079642797292003-12-10T06:04:00.000-08:002003-12-10T06:05:25.170-08:00Got hired 2 hours after I was told I was not suitable to be a sales assistant in a sports shop. I am basically trading a job which pays $3/hr for one that pays $5.50/hr so no complains! I have worked at 3 different jobs in the span of a week. Yes, the new economy requires us to be flexible and able to adapt but even this rate of change makes me a little dis-orientated. I just hope my new boss Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-1070724452656177782003-12-06T07:27:00.000-08:002003-12-06T07:32:23.483-08:00What a day! Walking around clementi central and going door to door to pitch a watch which few would take a look at. Sold 8 of those ugly watches and felt pretty good about myself until my supervisor paid me $16( 2 per box sold ) and told me that I need not go back to the head office. This meant that I would not be able to collect my basic pay which the manager that interviewed me told me would Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-1069828559542676822003-11-25T22:35:00.000-08:002003-11-25T22:36:30.530-08:00Its really hard to get a part- time job at this time of the year, or was I too slow.....Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-1068135882300677722003-11-06T08:24:00.000-08:002003-11-06T08:24:40.410-08:004 days to the exams and the questions start coming.
Have I studied enough? Should I have studied more? Should have spent my time more wisely... ETC
But it really doesnt matter now I guess.
I have done what could be done within the boundaries of my concentration span. Let it all come and I will face it to the best of my abilities. Its funny because some nights i feel that I know my work while Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-1067951489393168932003-11-04T05:11:00.000-08:002003-11-04T05:11:27.956-08:00Battleship Grey
It's battleship grey outside
And we dont know what we'll be getting
All your sweet talking, raining over me
'til my nameless games, are all set free
There's a word in your eye,
But I dont know what is to say it
And when you call me from the other side,
A sense of it starts breaking up, and its lies
I don't know, what I'm getting,
But I'm getting something,
I don't know, what Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-1067951360002597222003-11-04T05:09:00.000-08:002003-11-04T05:09:18.600-08:00Going to a church dinner at the behest of my mum, torn between the desire to see old friends and avoiding awkward questions. Familiar faces abound some with smiles and warm greetings others with a wary looks. People have changed physically, the skinny boy whom you used to play soccer with has grown into a tall stud. The diminutive girl who always made you feel better with her smile and reassuringJosephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-1067265962543260112003-10-27T06:46:00.000-08:002003-10-27T06:46:01.636-08:00Two weeks left, dont know about 75% of the maths syllabus.....
Well, two weeks is a long time if one can remain awake...Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-1065965589577583552003-10-12T06:33:00.000-07:002003-10-12T06:33:09.280-07:00Always, always feel so out of place in the gym!
Today I was flanked by two guys with arms the size of my thighs and me doing my puny little weights must have kinda look pathetic beside those two guys.
I told myself that I am the before and they are the after and I felt a little better. Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-106589666537905362003-10-11T11:24:00.000-07:002003-10-11T11:25:22.486-07:00Finding, feeling my way
Its so cold inside, I shiver
Its so dark outside, where do I go
A storm is raging, I am in the open
My life is unfolding, I am not in control
Alone in the desert, I see you....in a mirage
I walk on, stumbling in the dark
where I am going?
I ask the world, options appear
Are they for me? They worked for others!
But something does not feel right
Because the structures do Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-1064682175854404312003-09-27T10:02:00.000-07:002003-09-27T10:02:55.960-07:00I went to church for you,
studied for you, lived for you
without even knowing who you were
And when I slowly got to know you bit by bit
I realise that I was living a lie
And that it is time to start living by the truth
.But I hope that someday, somewhere down the line the lie will turn out to be the truth
Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-1064681487337296792003-09-27T09:51:00.000-07:002003-09-27T09:51:26.763-07:00What did I actually do wrong?
I must have made a mistake/mistakes along the way.
Why am I what I am now?
It is nobody's fault that I am like that
I am the result of my own endeavours.
I will fight on to make myself better as a person and relative to the world I live in.
The irrationality springs from the heart and if I switch it off and start to use my brain more, perhaps I will be spared a lotJosephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-1064323211945497502003-09-23T06:20:00.000-07:002003-09-23T06:20:11.816-07:00Will the NBA season please start soon? The major tennis tourneys are about over and Premiership football really leaves a lot to be desired, unless Chelsea is playing.
Note to Italian football fans: there are other ways of expressing support for your team besides playing with pyrotechnics. Its quite hard to watch the game on tele with all the smoke.
Sit ups, push ups, weight lifting VS sundaesJosephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-1063729523058813002003-09-16T09:25:00.000-07:002003-09-16T09:32:45.140-07:00Haha, I feel like studying really hard now but arent the prelims over. Eh, the A levels is abt 8 weeks away.
Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death(Exam Halls), I shall fear no evil(no exam) for I am the meanest S.O.B in the valley(meaner than all the goddam exam papers)!
Note: This is not Blasphemy but a paraphrasing of the bible. The inherent meanings are still the same.
Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-1061746648978806292003-08-24T10:37:00.000-07:002003-08-24T10:37:28.903-07:00My Eden - A room with a plush leather chair and a state of the art home theatre system with all the movies I can possibly watch not forgetting some snacks!
Two movies in a day with the prelims looming! May seem like madness to some but it really did wonders for me. I am more relaxed then I have ever been for this whole term. Ready for a maximum effort through the course of the prelims!
Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-1061223004098642582003-08-18T09:10:00.000-07:002003-08-18T09:10:04.243-07:00Should we take possesion of our own minds or do we let it drift along in the currents that characterize the forces out in the world competing for control of our minds? Rigid control characterized by discipline or the subscribing to the notion of a free spirit? We stand to gain and lose from going to either extremes. Discipline takes away the soul, as we now become ruled by the logic of our minds.Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-1061222266956703352003-08-18T08:57:00.000-07:002003-08-18T08:58:05.086-07:00Trying to look fo you is like staring into space but you know what, I actually felt good because I tried.
Reminder to myself! The tongue is inside the mouth for a reason. Consider as many possiblities as possible before you unleash the tongue.Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-1060872658384576562003-08-14T07:50:00.000-07:002003-08-14T07:55:32.346-07:00Where is your place in all this? I seriously do not know. Maybe you could tell me because I really want to know. Tell me............Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-1060871807226511922003-08-14T07:36:00.000-07:002003-08-14T08:07:19.440-07:00I am so glad I am not a poet of any calibre. I would be living my life in circles, manipulating words to bring out the different emtions we as individuals feel about everything. I may be able to identify the emotion but I despite the tremendous vocabulary accorded to me by the dictionary cannot act to extinguish the emotion should it be negative. Not in a poetic frame of mind! I need the Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-1060447582673553052003-08-09T09:46:00.000-07:002003-08-09T10:02:37.313-07:00Good to get conscience check every now and then. The greater awareness derived doesnt satisfy my conscience but at leas it helps me look at things from a larger perspective and factor in the human elements and aspects of things, something I am so lacking in.
Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-1060096357055323082003-08-05T08:12:00.000-07:002003-08-05T08:13:01.010-07:00Things to do:
1. Study for A levels(prelims are part of the preparation for A levels and thus I shall classify them both under an organic whole)
2. Redo the SAT I (1310 argh! wish I had took a keener interest in maths)
3. Do the SAT II
4. Save money
5. Stop watching TV (got a lot of time to do so when in retirement, not studying now might lead to no retirement!)
6. Pray I pass Chinese this timeJosephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-1060013345953056492003-08-04T09:09:00.000-07:002003-08-04T09:09:06.020-07:00The tongue, artful and dangerous.
it machinations add colour to darkness,
or conveys an aura of gloom
It cuts and stabs at the hearts of others
hard to rein in once its set loose
Yet there is a reason it is inside the mouth
giving us control of the leash
Hurting those I should love
wasting affection on those I hate
Do I even control my own tongue?
Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-1059841254126712082003-08-02T09:20:00.000-07:002003-08-02T09:20:54.156-07:00What a day! A day of cuts, bruises, sore neck all for the sake of proving to myself I can play the world's roughest game.
Feels good to win though.
Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-1059746361875611792003-08-01T06:59:00.000-07:002003-08-01T07:00:21.520-07:00Instead of seeking from forces unknown the reason as to why you were put on this earth, why dont you take destiny into your own hands and create the reason you were placed on this earth for. Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-1059745709206059692003-08-01T06:48:00.000-07:002003-08-01T06:57:42.450-07:00Haha, I cant think of you now even if I wanted to! I have purged your image from my mind and now I can get on with my life!Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-1059745632332400522003-08-01T06:47:00.000-07:002003-08-01T06:47:12.243-07:00really feel at peace with myself nowadays despite the looming Prelims and A levels
Theres almost no feeling inside and nothing matters much
The meaning of what I do is self-derived, not imposed by external forces
And theres moderation in everything
I guess I have found my inner peace.
And I did it without hours of meditation and vegetarian meals! I guess the ablity to focus your mind comes not
Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-1059571411215117782003-07-30T06:23:00.000-07:002003-07-30T06:23:31.236-07:00Still havent totally figure out the physics of the rugby ball. Not that it bothers me a lot but it can be quite irritating chasing an errant ball after it bounces on the ground a la a boy chasing wild geese!
Touch rugby is fun. It should help improve my balance and footwork, something I always slacked on during my basketball days
to my great chargin everytime I am carrying a heavy harversack and Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-1059491156724583092003-07-29T08:05:00.000-07:002003-07-29T08:05:56.740-07:00Old habits die hard! Just could not resist the temptation to skip history lecture today.
But the thrill only lasts as long as one gets away with it.Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-1059491038280308492003-07-29T08:03:00.000-07:002003-07-29T08:03:58.253-07:00Eveyrtime I leave my enclosed room and sniff the putrid smell of incense,
I force myself to think about two words, RELIGIOUS TOLERANCE!
Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-1059400016345501632003-07-28T06:46:00.000-07:002003-07-28T06:46:56.423-07:00This World
Another child is born
Another race is won
Another dream is shattered
Another day has begun
This world is still afloat
No not in Noah’s boat
We’ve only lost the vision
Of the stars we’re meant to be
Another broken heart
Another lesson learnt
Another harvest eaten
Another night is gone
A new day’s begun
Even your dreams they can be real
This world is still afloat
No not in Noah’s Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-1059152587963509732003-07-25T10:03:00.000-07:002003-07-25T10:03:08.000-07:00I always see my life in two parts
All that has past n what is yet to come
The thing about being a Singaporean male is that it is just too easy to see your future
You go to NS after JC/Poly then on to tertiary education
graduating into a 9-5 job in the civil service or corporate sector
You probably start of with buying a Japanese/Korean car after which you apply for a flat
You meet a nice Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-1059150486814064982003-07-25T09:28:00.000-07:002003-07-25T09:28:06.850-07:00FRIEND,
Can someone tell me the true definition of this word?
And explain the word LOVE to me too at the same time
Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-1059150300492934442003-07-25T09:25:00.000-07:002003-07-25T09:25:00.526-07:00Why make me so aware of the subtleties of this world
without giving me the ability to deal with it. Argh!
All the concealed feelings
All those worthless expressions of love, friendship, all always for a hidden agenda
people never fail to amaze me with how quickly they can switch from one mask to another
Something which I must say I am guilty of sometimes.
I guess I focus too much on the problemsJosephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-1058953132979793852003-07-23T02:38:00.000-07:002003-07-23T02:38:53.000-07:00You fear when you think too much of consequences
It affects how you deal with situations
Fear is a natural human instinct
Fearing an opponent who is stronger than you increases the odds against you
You have already lost the mental aspect of the game
You might as well not compete if you fear your opponent
Ulysses S Grant once rebuked his generals when they became overly concerned with what the Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-1058882372771123252003-07-22T06:59:00.000-07:002003-07-22T06:59:32.580-07:00I do not want to look through the mask
I fear what I may find
The mask becomes too obvious
till I can no longer ignore the mask
I deal with two faces
with a mask of my ownJosephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-1058881837921120922003-07-22T06:50:00.000-07:002003-07-22T07:00:28.993-07:00I unlock a door, walk through it
Another door appears in front of me
I do not have the key
I ram the door, I fail to ram it down
I sprain my shoulder
I wait by the door, content to rest my aching shoulder
The door remains shut
I wait a little more, and a little more
The door remains shut
I acquire an axe, I hack at the door
The door no longer represents a barrier
I walk through the splinters, I Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-1058881353250238652003-07-22T06:42:00.000-07:002003-07-22T06:56:01.876-07:00Communication is the key to greater understanding between individuals
It has a huge role in building, developing and preserving relationships
The value of communication has been reinforced in me today
talking heart to heart with a friend, discussing our individual faults and how to rectify them
Strenghtening a relationship in this way
Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-1058639413031030852003-07-19T11:30:00.000-07:002003-07-22T06:51:04.986-07:00Balance, what is true balance?
using logic to deal with all kinds of emotions
You feel nothing and reason is your guide
You neither hate nor love
because your reason to hate is cancelled out by the reason to love
and vice versa
You hate someone that looks down on you
You love him so much that you are willing to swallow your pride
Thus you neither hate nor love him
You are thus able to try to Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-1058543547309708582003-07-18T08:52:00.000-07:002003-07-18T08:52:27.340-07:00Developing ones own principle to life
as opposed to accepting existing dogmas or prevalent trends in thinking
There are no obligations thus no limits
You are free to find yourself
You can shape yourself whichever way you want
You are free to discover what suits you best
You are the object of your own creation
we may live in a world of rules but our minds should never be restricted
Isnt that a Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-1058543288006039552003-07-18T08:48:00.000-07:002003-07-18T08:55:07.443-07:00Finding a balanceLiving in the past, Living in the present and Living for the future
living and wallowing in the mistakes of yore
living for the moment getting the best out of what you have
living for the future, everything you do is for the future
I guess its important to strike a balance between the three
The past serves as a reference and reminder of what not to do
The present is what I am living in
The Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-1058368666389888442003-07-16T08:17:00.000-07:002003-07-16T08:17:46.390-07:00Glad you didnt call, you are part of a lot that I would rather forget. However, I am also a little disapointed you didnt call.
Because you are part of something I have to confront eventually. You are one of my last threads to a past I would rather forget.
My transformation is almost complete and I believe I am shaping into the person I want to be. It is the memories that hold me
back. Why did Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-1058280286060301802003-07-15T07:44:00.000-07:002003-07-15T08:03:08.510-07:00They say a soldier who thinks too much loses his effectiveness
If only this applies to me, then maybe I dont have to think and can still be effective as a person
Sometimes, I really dont want to think of what to say, what to wear, what to eat etc
Just sort of let things come to me naturally
Unfortunately, everything I do without thinking have negative effects.
Like saying the first word that Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-1058107173484506282003-07-13T07:39:00.000-07:002003-07-13T07:39:33.403-07:00I still think of you, when I am not functioning
lying on my bed and gazing at the celling
I think of all that might have been
If only I did the right things, made the right moves
If only I could see you every week
If only I knew you in a more personal way
Regret is not something I want to live by
But thinking of you, dreaming of you
letting your soft touch cascade slowly down on me
I feel warmth Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-1057939219554510792003-07-11T09:00:00.000-07:002003-07-11T09:00:19.413-07:00Anda - mongolian term for brother presented in Hanyu pinyin sans a stroke or two somewhere
Genghis Khan's Anda was Jamulka, who was later killed by his own Anda Genghis himself
Why? Strife, the never ending quest of man to prove that he is better than others
Before Jamulka went to his death, he made remarked about how good if he and Genghis never grew up
Then perhaps, they could be Anda forever.Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-1057937457206036352003-07-11T08:30:00.000-07:002003-07-11T08:30:57.160-07:00-------------------------------------------
this is the wave diagram that characterises the level of activity in my brain
time to wake up, time to wake upJosephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-1057937227374192622003-07-11T08:27:00.000-07:002003-07-11T08:27:07.343-07:00I can choose to be happy, choose to be sad
I am what I choose to be
I am not made by forces unknown
I should not blame my current circumstances on fate or destiny
I have small biceps because I cheat on push-ups
I do not express myself well because I do not dare to speak up
I cannot love because I do not make an effort to do so
I do not pronounce properly because I speak too fast
I am what I Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-1057507800025791952003-07-06T09:10:00.000-07:002003-07-06T09:11:45.503-07:00Feels funny to go to church again after a long hiatus from the dogmatic condemnations enamating from the pulpit, and hearing the loud approvals of pastors when the speaker condemns disbelievers in colourful terms. Heard a fairly ok message, about finding your place in christ that you may soar like an eagle thereafter. I dont mean to sound cynical and I must say in complete honesty I listened to Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-1057505477240590512003-07-06T08:31:00.000-07:002003-07-06T09:16:12.496-07:00I dared not look into your eyes
dared not look at you
I feel so lacking
in all the human qualities you possess
Thats why church has no more meaning
its just an empty structure without you
You have ceased to exist in forms other than the physicalJosephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-1056212460999663742003-06-21T09:21:00.000-07:002003-07-06T08:26:24.833-07:00Sorry for expecting too much
from people, from relationships, from myself
Sorry for the prejudice,
the ugly thing that gnaw into building, mantaining and developing relationships
the emphasis should be on situations
and not on pre-conceived impressions(though this cannot be totally neglected)
loving someone for who not what he is
Sorry for not understanding
actions are obvious while intentions Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-1055511206883071232003-06-13T06:33:00.000-07:002003-06-13T06:33:26.810-07:00Spurs better win tmr, I am gonna skip Miss Chong lecture to root for them.
Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-955526322003-06-11T08:43:00.000-07:002003-06-13T06:32:01.923-07:00The Second Trek
Knowing you is like solving a mystery
Feeling you requires the heart and sadly the brain too
As with all things tender, you exude a feathery feel
Yet the brain refuses to shut down,
and be overwhelmed by the lightness
You may be all that I want,but not what I need
at least not now
You evoke the extremes of emotion within me
A crescendo and than a rapid fall into silence, oblivionJosephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-952887452003-06-04T09:05:00.000-07:002003-06-04T09:05:54.853-07:00Simple pleasures,
so basic most people think nothing of it
yet it sorts of defines my everyday life
watching NBA, documentaries, news(I am a tv junkie)
making fun of soapy Korean dramas(at my mum's expense)
reading thick books(beware the thick glasses!)
shoping and playing sports
I have come to realise the significance of all these to me
what else can help me forget things I want to forget
Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-951197342003-05-31T07:03:00.000-07:002003-05-31T07:03:56.863-07:00Your World, My World
I like to believe I live in the world
as people have always known it
and not in my own world
where I am the master, servant, slave
I need to open my eyes but more
importantly my ears, then open my mouth
Then I will live in the world, your world
and not my own at least not during my waking hours
Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-951194282003-05-31T06:50:00.000-07:002003-05-31T06:56:48.000-07:00what is love?
a physical attraction or experiece?
something more than that?
Frankly i do not know
So does it mean that i am lying
if I say I love someone
Hell, I dont even know what love is
Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-951191922003-05-31T06:40:00.000-07:002003-05-31T06:40:13.356-07:00Gazing at a block of HDB flats,
every window, a family,
and every family, a story
a story of love, I wish that on everyone
a story of anguish, I do not know what to say to you
a tragedy, I am sorry but theres nothing I can do
I know I cannot influence what happens to you
But do you know I can barely feel for you
what kind of human being am I?
Want to answer this question Lord?
Reading too many Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-943342812003-05-14T08:54:00.000-07:002003-05-14T08:54:01.286-07:00What are you to me?
You are the basis of my existence
my life has been dedicated to you
You exist between a realm of illusion and reality
You have never played the game
But I fear you are growing into this world
And I am losing you like that
I run away from you
because I want to run from my illusion
yet I am not strong enough
My soul feeds on all that is you
and hence I will not stop running awayJosephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-917104542003-03-31T07:00:00.000-08:002003-03-31T07:00:20.046-08:00My angel
you are my conduit to god
and from you his blessings rain down on me
sprinkles, showers, sprinkles, showers
I believe you are the angel
that God assigned to me
I welcome your presence,
reverberating gently in the backdrop
yet I do not feel you as strongly
amidst the apathy that characterises me
your hand can guide me out of the fog
but your whispers offer only momentary comfort
I seekJosephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-905213452003-03-11T06:04:00.000-08:002003-03-11T06:04:42.653-08:00Ramblings
Moving on towards uncertainty
armed with nothing but the past to sustain me
a comforting thought indeed
I do not understand how I arrived
does that explain my lack of definition?
no one singular trait characterises me?
am I a chamelon
blending along with my environment
with bursts of damm it all
I become what I suppose is myself again
I will try to engage my surroundings
though it Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-903046622003-03-07T07:37:00.000-08:002003-03-07T07:37:08.436-08:00I am not a quitter
Do not run away
there is a limit to how far you can ride
a limit to how long you can hide
confront the demons of your past
scale the mountainsof the present
but more importantly,
do not run away from your dreams
they sustain you through the storms
giving you a reason to live
chase them to the ends of the earth
then live them
Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-902414382003-03-06T07:25:00.000-08:002003-03-06T07:25:35.890-08:00Losing you slowly
gloom permeates the walls of my cloistured existence
It threatens to overwhelm
rendering me helpless
reducing me to wreckage
sucking up all my hopes and dreams
the gentle fading of your memory
passing on slowly to realms beyond my boundaries
I expand these boundaries beyond human limits
yet you drift away faster than I can expand
and once you vanish, eveything will crumble
it Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-899569592003-03-01T08:13:00.000-08:002003-03-02T06:43:26.000-08:00Object of infinite delight
You opened my eyes
to all that is beautiful
you make everything seem so beautiful
everything is given significance
I love all that is you
yet I cannot love what is within you
for you did not let me, albeit gently
but you have opened my eyes
to all that is beautiful and lovely
the sun shines more brightly
the warmth it exudes feels warmer
everything seems so serene
the Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-884254012003-02-02T08:29:00.000-08:002003-02-02T08:29:44.520-08:00The jingle of metal
the paper that wields so much power
the power to bring a smile to faces
it can define a lifestyle
transcending the barriers
that demarcate society
it buys respect and acceptance
and even certain types of love
giving a different definition to happiness
some have too much of it
some have too little
it is but an object, something seemingly innocuous
yet what it encompasses cannotJosephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-884240232003-02-02T07:46:00.000-08:002003-02-02T07:46:17.470-08:00The greater scheme of things
I live for myself, I tell myself
they tell me that too!
I am creating a world of my own
within or alongside your worlds?
this is what I want to ask
who I am doing all this for?
it is really for myself
or is it just to fit into the greater scheme of things
every man is a surbordinate
his feelings, actions, words
to someone or something higher
in the greater scheme of Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-884236862003-02-02T07:34:00.000-08:002003-02-02T07:34:51.000-08:00Transience
I extend towards you
to nothing but a frozen image
I am left facing a smoke screen
Sensing but not seeing
Sensing but not feeling for
were you there?
I can only guess
will you ever be there?
time as always will tell
Stuffing it all into a corner of my mind
the film contiues to roll
Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-883760902003-02-01T05:54:00.000-08:002003-02-01T05:54:26.700-08:00$4 in my bank account did leave me feeling a little powerless in the malls
no such feelings anymore.....its chinese new year!!!Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-881618462003-01-28T08:34:00.000-08:002003-01-28T08:34:32.066-08:00dischantment with an abstract concept
something that is seemingly impossible to define
yet it blooms naturally, spontaneously
but withers before it can be admired
an element of life is needed as a stimulus
yet the source of this element is wary
there is not much left to give
once given it cannot be taken back
replenishment is a long, tedious affair
one that saps
yet this element is unsettled
it Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-877908242003-01-21T09:21:00.000-08:002003-01-21T09:21:12.326-08:00School Work
Just come, dont hold back
trepidation has been replaced by anticipation
Keep coming, you stimulate my mind
you dont scare me anymore
You are just another wall I have to climb
a mere footnote is the course of my life
I will not flee from an insignificant like you
Just keep coming, you can never rule me
my life is multi-dimensional
You preoccupy me but I will never let you occupy me
So Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-874165322003-01-14T05:51:00.000-08:002003-01-14T05:51:28.246-08:00Gazing into the blue blue sky
looking for an entrance
if only i could share in your world
and you could envelope me
my mental faculties cease to exist
I am at peace, partaker of sweet quiet bliss
beep beep, hello...ok, i will be home by 7
I get up
but not before promising myself
that I will return
Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-874163222003-01-14T05:45:00.000-08:002003-01-20T04:50:27.000-08:00The sun
I do not feel the sun
remember I live in the tropics
I do not bask in its warmth
my senses are oblivious to it
I am not bothered by the heat
it does not get past my skin
The sun provides an element of life
yet its presence is tortuous, tormenting
its setting cannot come any faster
The sun embodies humanity at its peak
it is a giver and sustainer of life
the stimulus of human relations
Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-872134532003-01-10T03:32:00.000-08:002003-01-10T03:32:05.883-08:00We grew up too fast
Space, with its boundless possibilities
if it could all fit into my palm
Love, with all its contradictions
if only it was spontaneous
Time, with its relentless march forward
if only the past could be revisited
You, of all that has been
if only it could replay itself once again
amidst the ignorant bliss
we grew up too fast it seems
leaving behind our child-like belief
that Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-869638762003-01-05T07:55:00.000-08:002003-01-05T07:55:58.760-08:00Empty shell
There is an emptiness within
and an emptiness without
the state of coldness within appals
devoid of any beat
Unable to feel for what is beyond
the narrow halls of ones mind
producing a sense of cold efficiency
that brushes aside all that has a pulse
You are now an object
I want to reach out but I cannot
loneliness does not frighten
being now a state of rest for the mind
Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-866651402002-12-29T10:41:00.000-08:002002-12-29T10:41:48.696-08:00What has been anticipated has finally come
It did not come as a shock or a surprise
yet there is a certain sense of trepidation within me
Four years can be a lifetime to me
I cant remember what I was doing at this time four years ago
Or is it what you will become after the four years
how far will you then be away from me
what I can do from where I stand is limited
Limited by the inertia that Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-866649612002-12-29T10:34:00.000-08:002002-12-29T10:34:33.203-08:00Dreams
Dreams
are made of the vast endless space
that we enter into when we are asleep
Dont tell me I have no dreams or that I cant dream
I have dreamt enough
A third/fourth of my life as I know it is a long time
I am happy if I wake up with a clear head
You tell me what dreams are made of then
for you can only dream
I do not want to dream anymore
I dont live my life at night when people are Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-865699832002-12-26T18:40:00.000-08:002002-12-26T18:40:27.316-08:00Cherish all these moments
for they are not too many in coming
and they may stop coming one day
that day is nearer than I wish to admit
Even so, it is something I cannot fathom
Not seeing but sensing the presence
Not seeing and being unable to feel
cause there is nothing left to feel for
Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-864375232002-12-23T07:38:00.000-08:002002-12-23T07:38:47.626-08:00Honour
honour, the sacred covenant between real men
and even among thieves
Your honour cannot be bought
once lost never to be restored
it is not pride, it knows no ill feeling
Men have died to preserve it
yet many a fool belittle it
You can strip a man of all his worldly possessions
and dub him a vagrant, an outcast of society
you measure his wealth by the things he own
Do you and can you Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-857331012002-12-09T08:41:00.000-08:002002-12-09T08:41:51.063-08:00Looking into your eyes
all but a table apart
yet within the space between us
all that has transpired is set before me
I look again into your eyes
trying to feel the depths of your soul
is it indifference and apathy
or is it pity or surely not mocking
am I a repungance to you
or a welcome sight
tell me please in my dreams
whisper tenderly and softly into my ears
Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-855944732002-12-06T07:24:00.000-08:002002-12-06T07:24:55.566-08:00Fate or Chance,
intertwining of our destinies?
Yet this unseen hand is fading
drifting slowly and gently away
human hands will have to suffice
give my hands strength,
that I may not falterJosephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-855943702002-12-06T07:22:00.000-08:002002-12-06T07:22:24.220-08:00Mystery
Enigmatic encounters,
meeting of the eyes
across distances so near yet so far
my greatest mystery
it tantalises yet beckons
inscrutable as you are
I want to decipher it all
Knowledge is not enough
a tedious journey awaits
let my desire to solve the mystery
overcome all that lies before me
Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-850551812002-11-25T06:44:00.000-08:002002-11-25T06:44:18.926-08:00You
You never seem to go away do you
a fixture in all that is me
my life, my soul, my wishes, my deeds
are all to catch your eye
alas I will not push you away anymore
I will indulge in all that is you
in this private realm we share, in solitude....
Yet as I resolve to wait and hope,
pining the days,weeks months,years away
Give me a glimmer of hope to sustain my soul
Let me live my life as I Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-849924422002-11-23T19:39:00.000-08:002002-11-23T19:40:32.000-08:00Writing is an expression of ideas
that these now take a physical form
Civilisations with a written script come to live not only to us now
but when it was in existence
It is coupled with a verbal expression of ideas
be it in the Greek,Roman senate or Forums or the Parliments of today
This expression of ideas leads to a blending of or subjugation of ideas
through painful processes like Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-849555802002-11-22T20:04:00.000-08:002002-11-22T20:04:03.843-08:00I break into cold sweat
fear consumes my very soul
I panic knowing not what to do
I wake up, it is all an illusion
I get on with my dayJosephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497093.post-842796202002-11-09T08:15:00.000-08:002002-11-09T08:15:57.083-08:00An apology
Sorry for all the needless pain
the anguish and momentary excitement
the foolishness that begards
One apology and move on
wiping the slate clean
Josephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00130559159337957352noreply@blogger.com